Aftermath

Posted on 16 Apr 2024 @ 6:29pm by Lieutenant JG Delenna Morak & Lieutenant Commander Temerant Bast

Mission: Enigma Variations
Location: Counselor Morak's office

Bast awoke with a start, dreanched in sweat, clutching the bedsheets. He quickly took in his surroundings, and got his bearings. He was in his quarters on the Cygnus. He was alone in the bed. He glanced at the chronometer on the nightstand, and saw that it was still two hours until he was scheduled to be on the Bridge.

He took a deep breath, rubbed his face with his hands, and got out from under the sheets.

He walked naked to the sonic shower, set it to the highest intensity, and stayed there for a full five minutes before stepping out, and into a fresh uniform. He called out for his morning coffee and breakfast - a recipe he'd been sent by his sister Auri. A koralan-spiced porridge, with grilled shobac fruit and a slight touch of Earth pandan extract. Whenever he felt distraught, his sister's cooking was always a source of comfort.

- - - - - - - -

He approached Counselor Morak's office, and saw that the door was open. He knocked on the doorframe and peeked inside.

"Counselor, do you have a moment?"

"Of Course, More Coffee?" she enquired, knowing how the bridge crew's minds worked mostly. There were one or two that baffled her. She sensed a great heaviness around Bast, as she went to get the coffee.

"Always," replied Bast, stepping inside the Counselor's office and letting the door hiss closed behind him. He hesitated, looking at the desk, then up at Delenna, and at the two chairs facing each other where he knew she would sit when in session with a patient.

Delenna handed over the coffee, and beckoned for Bast to sit. "Here you go, Bast. Please take your time with telling me what's on your mind," she encouraged.

Bast took a sip from the coffee and wrapped his hands around the mug, letting the warm coffee heat up his cold Trill hands. He took a couple of breaths before speaking. Being in a Counselor's office did bring back a few not-so-warm memories from his time as an Initiate, and the many endless meetings with Counselors who probed into the very intimate details of his mind.

Finally he decided to take the plunge and speak.

"Since we left Antioch, I've been having nightmares... I can't remember that many details, but I invariably wake up covered in sweat, my pulse is racing, and I'm breathing like I just sprinted a 10-kilometer run..."

Delenna said nothing and allowed Bast to continue. She sipped her coffee patiently.

"I was down on the planet for the entire duration of..." He searched for the right words to describe what they had lived through. "I saw their despair, their anger... How do you carry on after killing hundreds of millions of people?"

"I am here to help you find the answer in yourself. I don't want to influence you with my opinion," replied Delenna. "What I will ask is, was there any good reason for the killing of those people?"

Bast blinked, surprised and shocked by the Counselor's question. "How can there ever be a good reason for killing - let alone at that scale?" He paused, and collected his thoughts. "There is an explanation for it, and it was purely accidental, nothing was intentional on our part. Does that make us any less guilty?"

"Did we try to fix the accident or leave it? What could we have done to fix the issues?" asked Delenna. Delenna now had a personal question that she was not going to ask. She needed to concentrate on Bast. She was challenging Bast with these questions because if you feel as if you did everything you could, you shouldn't feel guilty. Easier said than done, she knew.

"We did everything we could to try to help those people," said Bast. "But we still failed them. They died because of our negligence."

"There are two ways to look at this. Feel guilty for what has happened, own the guilt and do better, or we let the guilt consume us and bury our heads.
If we choose the former, we make sure even the slightest issue is reported and fixed there and then. If anyone has an illness, they do not go on first contact missions. Just in case they are as primitive as the Antiocians. If we choose the latter, then we may as well head to Rura Penthe and find a spot to mine," said Delenna. "The other thing we are forgetting is that the Antiocians have accepted the serum and methodology for the serum. They will be fine and on top of that Elodin is there, working behind the scenes to build diplomatic relations and hopefully bring the ban to a close sooner."

"We couldn't have known someone was ill," countered Bast. "That person was asymptomatic. There was an issue with the transporter, but it hadn't been discovered yet. We did everything right, and followed procedure and protocol. And still people died."

He took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. "How do you silence their voices at night?"

"You don't. You learn to live with them," she said. Delenna continued "And not get caught up in the 'what if' thinking because it doesn't change anything. We only picked up on the indifference because an Eagle eyed transporter chief noticed it. There had been further reports before then that showed the minor change and nothing done. This is one that everyone I have spoken to about this "what if it was caught and dealt with at .1 indifference? We know the answer but what does that 'what if' do now?"

Bast nodded once. "We update our manuals and procedures, add more safeguards to prevent something like this from happening again. Small comfort for those who have lost their entire family."

He finished the last sip of coffee and put the cup down on the table. "I should be headed for the Bridge. Thank you for your time, Counselor," he said, his voice hollow and defeated.

"You are welcome. You are not alone in this," smiled Delenna.

------/\ End Log /\-------